Texan to English Translation
Updated From the 2005 HAuNTcon Program
It was brought to my attention that some of you attending HAuNTcon 2014 will be experiencing Houston for the very first time. And as such may have some questions about the people, the language and the customs of the “Great State of Texas.”
First off, not everyone that lives in Texas goes around wearing boots, spurs and a cowboy hat. You see, spurs tend to get hung up in the floor mats of your Hummer and are just impractical for city driving, so most Texans leave them at home on the ranch. Texans are very friendly, and will likely smile at you for no good reason. Please do not take offense, just smile back and keep moving!
One thing those of you from the northeast will notice is that everything is spread out. Texans have plenty of room and don’t mind showing off that fact. With everything spread out like it is, it takes time to get there, and Texans like to get there in a hurry. The highway speed limit signs in Texas are mostly a suggestion, and if you are driving anything less than 10 miles faster than the posted limit, then you may get pulled over by a Texas Ranger for suspicious behavior. There is even an interstate highway intersection with long sweeping overpasses designed so you can change freeways and still maintain your high rate of speed. This modern marvel is called a Texas Interchange, mainly because it takes up the acreage of a small New England city and nowhere other than Texas has room to build one.
But probably the most noticeable thing that our colder climate friends will be having a good laugh about for weeks after the convention is the language. Texans have a lexicon all their own and the easiest way for you to understand what it is they are saying is to read the Texan to English Translation Dictionary that follows. Be sure to keep it close because you never know when you might need directions to somewhere, or to order lunch and have no idea what the person just said.
We hope your stay in the LoneStarState will be a happy one. Just think of it as a trip to a foreign country, with strange language, smiling speedy drivers and peculiar mannerisms. I’m sure you’ll get along just fine!
Sheriff Dead Eye Pickel
Self-proclaimed Texas Haunter Welcoming Committee!
Texan to English Translation Dictionary
agger-vate or agger-vated; used to describe everything from mild annoyance to dangerous, murderous rage.
Ahm ona: I am going to. i.e.: “Ahm ona get me a subscription to that Haunted Attraction Magazine.”
ah shoot: an expletive (should be used with an exclamation point). “Ah shoot I missed that John Burton seminar.”
ain’t: contraction of – is not. I ain’t gone miss his next seminar
ain’t fittin’: inappropriate i.e. It ain’t fittin’ to get any sleep during HauNTcon.
all choked up: upset, overcome with emotions like by sadness or by the thoughtfulness of others.
Bar B Q: In Texas, when you order Bar-B-Q, you get Beef Briskit! Marinaded in tomato based sweet barbeque sauce.
Chili: A thick spicy tomato based stew that can contain any assortment of meat products including but not limited to armadillo and rattlesnake, Contrary to its name it is not served cold!
being neighborly: Polite and friendly like.
catty whompus or whomperjawed: used to describe something that doesn’t fit properly or is out of line.
come hell or high water: relentless, determined to reach the goal regardless of problems or obstacles. “I AM gonna make it to HAuNTcon next year come hell or high water!”
dad blame it, dad gum it, dag nab it: euphemisms coined to allow expressive speech without swearing. “Dag nab it, I lost my wristband!”
dinner: depending on the speaker, this can be the noontime meal or the evening meal.
fit to be tied: VERY upset.
fixins: food; the rest of the meal, excluding the main dish.
fixin’ ta: getting ready to do something. “I’m fixin’ ta buy one of those pop-ups for my Haunt!”
galloot: a no good hombre “That galloot kept me awake all night talkin’ bout his haunt.”
give us a shout: to call by phone as “Give us a shout when you arrive at Sheraton DFW for HAuNTcon.”
grub: food, normally whipped up in a hurry. “That was some good grub at the Creekside Manor tour!”
a hoe down: No, it don’t mean that a call girl got shot. A hoe down is a gigantic party with dancin’ and music. Like the Texas Chainsaw Masquerade Ball at HAuNTcon on Saturday night!
howdy: Hello! What’s going on with you?
humdinger: an experession meaning outstanding, “That hearase rally was a humdinger!”
I’ll be swannie: used instead of “I swear.”
it seether; contraction of ” it is either,” as in “It seether the workshop or the make up demo, I can’t decide.”
keester: your back side “Get off your keester and come to HauNTcon.”
lit out: took off, started out, or absconded across some terrain.
over yonder: a directional phrase meaning “over there.”
good money: spoken as a complaint about the quality or quanity of a purchase. “I paid good money for them tickets!”
ridin’ high or walkin’ in tall cotton: doing well; probably a reference to the quality of horse you are riding. If you’re poor, you ride a burro (short).
sorry: a particularly important Texas adjective meaning worthless, no-count, useless, bad. That is a sorry excuse for missing HAuNTcon!”
sure’nuff: (one word). Used as a superfluous question in place of That’s right! “I’m sure’nuff glad I came to HAuNTcon!”
taken to: began, adapted, started liking. Use #l: He’s taken to drinking.” Use #2: She’s taken to that new acting job of hers right off.”
Thang: object or thing, “That thang scared me!”
up the crick without a paddle: in a whole heap a trouble!
whole nuther thing: something else entirely
wore out : fatigued, exhausted; also sometimes used for “worn out” machinery, etc.
ya’ll: contraction of – you and all. Can be used when speaking to one or more persons, as in “Ya’ll come to HAuNTcon.”
During the convention, remember that; if you’ve done it, it ain’t braggin’. Never ask a man if he’s from Texas. If he is, he’ll tell you on his own. If he ain’t, no need to embarrass him. And you should never squat with your spurs on!
Now ya’ll have a great time here in Texas, and come back real soon!